ROADLOG: SOLO OCULO | THE ‘RAM FAM
This last east coast run
with Pentagram
And The Dirty Streets
Was a good run.
Short, but intense.
But also super introspective.
I did the tour solo
In the truest sense of the word.
All of my immediate circle
Of family, friends,
And band mates,
Who usually accompany me
And help out & manage things,
Were busy working,
Thus they couldn’t join me
On the trek.
So I went rolled by myself.
Going it alone out there
On the long haul 10 hr drives,
It gives one time
To meditatively reflect upon
One’s life and journey
And assess the many things
About yourself
That you may or may not
Always like:
Quirks, emotional needs,
Lifelong insecurities,
Resentments, shortcomings,
Selfish & addictive Inclinations.
Also,
The huge number
Of sacrifices necessary
In order to continue
Doing this little
Suspended adolescent
Rock & roll
Creative career/lifestyle.
Etc.
So many things.
So much time & energy required.
So much self-work to do.
To improve on,
Tweak,
And course correct.
All these things
Come flooding in
With the miles and miles
Of the oncoming road.
Alone.
HWY.
Bridges.
Anonymous exits.
Small Towns.
Strangers,
Mutedly incased
In their cars,
Floating by.
Pondering their own lives.
Or maybe not.
It was a tough little run,
Driving, loading
In/out, playing.
Climbing into a hotel bed
By one’s self.
Staring at the walls.
Drone of the TV.
The road alone
Is quiet
And deafening.
And sometimes lonely.
In so many ways,
We are all alone,
Out there / In here,
Sitting atop
A pile of years.
Wondering.
Where does it go?
What does it mean? L
Sigh.
The three things
I learned on this tour:
1. Never move to New Jersey.
2. Never drive in New Jersey.
3. I really miss & truly appreciate
All of my family, close friends,
Band mates, acquaintances,
And
Hometown people.
I really do.
And I apologize to everyone
If I don’t
Say that enough.
I get distracted,
Plowing forward
And sometimes
Miss the little things
That are often more fulfilling
And sustainable
Than all the kookiness
Of the Rock & Roll Trail of Tears.
So thank you
So much
To all my family
And supportive friends
And people out there
For taking the journey
With me
And putting up
With my “stuff.”
And much thanks
And gratitude
To the whole ‘Ram Fam:
Pentagram.
Bobby, Pellet, Greg,
Matt, Pistol Peterine,
Zac, Joe, Jack, Mike.
You guys really watched
My back
And took care of me
On this run.
On all the runs.
It’s so strange how
Bands that play
Such Heavy & dark music
Almost always
Are the sweetest people.
Many of them,
Wounded and worn torn,
But so kind and giving
In ways
You wouldn’t expect
If looking in from
The outside
And not privy
To a detailed briefing
Of the fragile ins/outs
Of the inner lives
Of these complicated,
And conflicted
But gentle beasts.